Why Tri?

The why of this endeavor is the real question.

I know that goals loom large in our psyche. Achieving them moves us in a visceral way, and the journey that brings us to that level of achievement is what brings enlightenment. Or not. Enlightenment is fucking hard to come by, even for a master of bullshit such as myself.

Even some meaningless goal, said often enough, takes on the aura of dignity, of “Wow, you’re trying to do that?” I understand that often enough people are saying to themselves “Fucking why are you doing that?”

The Why is the beast of the ego, the real deep down answer people rarely ask for. After all, if you ask someone why they’re taking on some quixotic, pointless, journey, THEY WILL TELL YOU. We all love to talk about ourselves, well I do at any rate.

So you don’t have to ask. I AM TRYING TO COMPLETE A TRIATHLON .

That’s the first time I’ve made a public declaration. I did announce it in an email to a long-lost friend, as in “Dude, see what shit I’m trying to do!”

Back to the why. Even though I’m only looking at baby triathlons – 3-7 miles running, up to half a mile swimming, and 20-40 miles of biking – training enough to be able to do that level of exercise without making a fool of myself will be grueling. Unfortunately, some part of me actually looks forward to this difficult journey; training in a way I haven’t since I tried to do this last year. Yes, I failed at my first attempt to get into triathlon shape because I injured myself doing landscaping in my yard. I was in such good shape I forgot exactly what stage of life I’m in.

I’m 61. The electronic notes from my last doctor’s visit describe me as OBESE, which is a step up from the morbidly obese person I used to be. Weirdly, I’ve always exercised quite a bit, but I have an eating disorder. I eat way too much from 8 PM to midnight and just too much before that. At this point I could “easily” do a triathlon if it were biking 15 miles, running 3-5, and swimming maybe 1/4 mile. I would probably finish last but I’d finish! In addition, I might perhaps need a bit more downtime between events than I’ll get a triathlon. You can see that I have some training to do.

I’d say my chances of completing a triathlon are at most 50% and here’s why: First, I have no access to a pool, so I shadowbox as a way of exercising my arms aerobically. This is not a fair substitute, and it looks like I’ll only get about 5-10 chances to swim this summer in lakes that require half-hour to hour drives. NOT ideal. I don’t have a working street or trail bike. I use an exercycle, the fifth or sixth I’ve owned. All of those exercycles broke because I used them to death. I don’t think they were made for the obese exerciser. This time I purchased a stronger bike.

Finally and most importantly my knees are arthritic, decayed, and annoying. There’s a piece of calcium about the size of my thumb in the back of my right knee that I can feel. Because of knee pain, I wasn’t able to run five feet from my mid-fifties until 18 months ago when, after months of steadily increasing exercise, I just could. When I say “couldn’t run five feet” I mean that. When I tried to run across the street, my wife cringed and described it as watching a tyrannosaurus with a broken leg. At first, I thought, hey she thinks of me like a king of dinos, until I realized she was just alluding to my girth.

The WHY of this silly goal is that this is my last chance. The 60s are not the new 40s. That’s stupidity. I’m doing this because decay and death are there, smiling. If I don’t do a grandly stupid athletic endeavor like this now, when will I? Also I’m hoping to shed a few pounds and make my wife think my body is not icky.

The why of this post? I figured that I should blog about my goal, so, maybe, I would be too embarrassed to go back on my commitment to myself.